To my Alma Mater

• Thank you for my new robes, despite their blackness, the fabric still breathes.
• Thank you for my diploma, which keeps the living wage monster at bay, at least until the next credit crisis.
• Thank you for my editorship at the newspaper, without which my understanding of politics and public relations would be shriveled. Go LU.
• Thank you for your calls about donation to the Evergreen Fund (in advance), but for now I will be paying off what tuition I have donated already.
• Thank you for my teachers, especially those who taught me how to break rules.
• Thank you for those two alcohol violations, those were swell.
• Thank you for “the bubble,” Baltimore surely would have murdered me, my family, and my pets without it’s comfy protection.
• Thank you for Baltimore, only as I leave does Charm City begin to bloom, finally revealing itself to reluctant eyes.
• Thank you for York Road, where fear and alcohol make a great learning curve.
• Thank you for the drinking culture, my eternal guide for how not to live.
• Thank you for Spring Break Outreach, there is light in the world, and 22 hours on a bus in much too long.
• Thank you for magic carpets, even urine fades away — eventually.
• Thank you for Maryland, whose drivers constantly beg the question: “Why did he just do that?”
• Thank you for Strong Truths Well Lived, weak truths, after all, are lame.
• Thank you for Primos, sometimes you just don’t give a shit. That’ll be $12.00.
• Thank you for the Mansion, apartments in the next ten years will feign to meet its glory.
• Thank you for Study Abroad, expanding my understanding of home.
• Thank you for Pico, yes I want some. I will always want some.
• Thank you for Houndnet, a window into how third world countries experience wireless Internet.
• Thank you for 70/30, yes, just thank you.
• Thank you for Midnight Breakfast, heartburn has a face and it’s bacon and flat french toast.
• Thank you for Docu, my life has a soundtrack. Instant nostalgia

To my friends

You made every moment beautiful. Thank you.